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Topic starter
02/05/2006 1:39 am
I just wrote this song today, and I'd like to hear some input. Primarily, the answer to "What is the song 'Radio' about?". This is one of my first pieces of work where I'm really trying to "show" what's happening, and not "tell" what's happening. I'd like to see if people are interpretting it the way I have intended. The more detail the better... Thanks for your time.
Radio -
V:
Do you remember that song?
The one that we used to sing?
Do you remember when you
first heard it on the radio?
Do you remember where you were?
I remember where I was.
Yeah, I remember where I was when I
first heard it on the radio.
CH:
I was with you / alone on the pier
a cold winter night / but we didn't care
I stand here again / radio dead with the rain
I still hear that song / but it don't sound the same
V:
Do you remember when you laughed?
Yeah, I tried to sing along.
I sung so hoarse and out of key
somethings never change...oh no
Do you remember when I laughed?
Oh so long ago...
We were driving and I was singing
along with the radio
V:
I bet you tried to forget that song
for now that smile's a sting
and now you lie, when you cry
when it begins to snow
I haven't forgot that song
it haunts me more than you know
she doesn't know why, i cry
when turns on the radio
===========================
"Songs aren't written, they're re-written."
02/05/2006 5:08 am
Hey, I haven't been here for a very long time (and I hope they've forgiven me for such a long vacation lol) but here I am, and I'd just firstly like to say, welcome. You're very new and you've probably been here more times than I have, as unfortunate as it is for me to admit to. But anyway, it's really late here and being on here for five minutes is actually more time than I can usually ask for on this computer, so this has to be really quick. I was just wondering, did you only want the chorus once? Or did you just not bother to post it? It's not that important, just a wonderment. Other than that though I really like it, and I can tell there's alot of pain. It reminds me of (and don't take this the wrong way, I'm sure it's better than this song, it just has the same feeling to it -for me personally) Ne-yo's So Sick. The sound of love songs breaking your heart all over again... But this song is much better written ;). Nice job!
I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.
02/05/2006 6:23 pm
Hey whats up man I like the song. Heres some thoughts
I was with you / alone on the pier
a cold winter night / but we didn't care
I stand here again / radio dead with the rain
I still hear that song / but it don't sound the same
The part where you say radio dead with the rain is a good image but I think you might wanna consider rewording it, it seems a bit awkward right now.
I bet you tried to forget that song
for now that smile's a sting
and now you lie, when you cry
when it begins to snow
I dunno I feel like this might be stronger. Gets across that shes trying and not able to forget
You been tryin to forget that song
for now that smile's a sting
and now you lie, when you cry
when it begins to snow
I like your writing, and the words lend themselves well to singing. Good job.
"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile
Topic starter
02/05/2006 9:16 pm
The chorus will play more than once i'm sure. :D I just didn't write it out two times. Probably pretty standard in a Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus-Verse-Bridge?-Chorus kind of way. I don't have a bridge or anything yet, I was however trying to put some music it to it last night, and most of it seemed to go well.
I've never heard Ne-Yo's 'So Sick' so I guess I'll cut you some slack for that one. :D
Dneck: I'll definetly take it into consideration, I'll look it over and maybe I'll change it. I do, absolutely prefer your take on the third verse, it just flows a little smoother thanks for that.
Maybe you can give me a more detailed suggestion on the "radio dead in the rain" though.
If the song has a music video to it, through the first verse I'd like to have.
==================================
V1: A young man driving around, and as he turns on the radio he hears a song(the song). He pulls over to the side of the road and listens to it.
CH: He thinks back to the pier and remembers him and her, standing there together, huddled in a jacket or something. And he's got one of those little portable radios on the ledge(not the safest thing, but hey, bite me). She slowly fades away, and he's there by himself and it starts to rain and the radio stops working. In his face though, you can tell he still hears the song.
V2: He snaps back to reality, atleast he thinks. He's in his car and he's watching as she laughs as he sings along with the radio.
CH: back to the pier.
V3: Now, back to reality. Outside "her" house, she's there with her new boyfriend, playing "the song", he's smiling and laughing but she can't. It starts to snow and her and her boyfriend huddle together in a jacket.
Back at his girlfriends place, their lying in bed, and she hears "that song", and turns up the radio.
==================================
If this isn't what I'm portraying in the song, please let me know any suggestions you might have help.
PS. If this video showed up on "Pop Up Video" on MUCHMUSIC, one of the little bubbles that would show on the screen is. ("The song", the one they are listening to, is "I ran" by the Flock of Seagulls)
===========================
"Songs aren't written, they're re-written."
02/05/2006 9:52 pm
Hey I mean, the radio dead part is fine the way it is, you know i got the image of the rainsoaked radio that doesnt work anymore. I was just saying I thought that image had a lot of potential to be fleshed out intoa couple of lines, it would take rewriting some other parts so i dunno whatever you want its your song
let me know what you think of mine plz
"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile