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Guitar Noise Songwriting Club
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Topic starter
07/01/2005 9:34 pm
hi all -
please excuse the newbie who can't stop posting.
this is a song i'd really love some feedback on... i wrote it before this last election and it's about... well, i guess it's kind of about the state of the world as i see it.
i'm reluctant to sing this song for anyone because i feel like the lyrics are TERRIBLE. a couple friends have told me otherwise, but i think maybe they're just too nice.
is it cliched? cheesy? i can't tell anymore. so if anyone would care to comment i'd greatly appreciate it.
thanks!
[v]
this world it is changing
there's nothing to say
the fall of an empire
that's seen its last days
[chorus]
i'll follow blue skies
let them take me away
cause i don't wanna be there
when the world turns grey
[v]
this world it is ending
it's been a nice dream
but things are never
the way we make them seem
[chorus]
[v]
we'll meet at the world's end
where color fades away
no more words, throw out your pen
and put all your songs away
[ch - slightly modified]
and we'll follow blue skies
let them take us away
cause i don't wanna be there
when the world turns grey
no i don't wanna be there
when the world turns grey
07/01/2005 9:47 pm
wow man this is such a wicked song, i was kind of skeptical about it because sometimes songs about the world can be kind of cliched but this was really good! i like it how its not too personal so people can relate to it and i like your chorus this time round ;)
07/01/2005 11:07 pm
urbnite hello...I,ve read this thru a few times now...I like it because I think I get the general idea of what your trying to say....but I`m having trouble with the second vs...it`s not like the other two..seems to me that the word 'world" repeats to often in that vs...
I`ll take another look....
For a title..how about
(My) State Of The World
When The World Turns Grey
Blue Skies Grey World
Hope this helps... :) cooker
You can sleep when you`re dead!
"and baby all you need...is just a little more love"
Topic starter
07/01/2005 11:29 pm
thanks for the input guys...
yeah cooker, you're right. the word 'world' is in here way too much, especially in the second verse.
not sure i want to set a title yet - i tend to give things multiple names sometimes... but maybe 'follow blue skies'. it's a bit more optimistic.
might come back and do an edit later...
Topic starter
08/01/2005 12:02 am
new second verse:
this world it is ending
it's been a nice dream
but things are never
the way we make them seem
08/01/2005 3:39 am
yeah ! I like the edit..... goes with the flow.......title too!
You can sleep when you`re dead!
"and baby all you need...is just a little more love"
08/01/2005 2:52 pm
I like this man. I dont have a name except maybe "Blue Skies." Sorry :(
Do what you love, love what you do
http://www.acidplanet.com
-Nick
09/01/2005 10:41 am
hi
just read your replies to your song and agree with this one Cooker suggested "Blue Skies Grey World "
It has a nice ring to it and fits the song so well
oh well that's my 5 cents worth
Aghhhh
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I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )