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Sunday Songwriters Group
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Topic starter
12/08/2004 2:47 am
Finally got a shot
Our time to shine
At the target center
Waitin in line
v2
Never been a headliner
One song shot us to the top
We were livin our dream
We were ready to rock
chorus
Johnny our lead singer
First love wasnt a song
He loved Jack Daniels and loved doing bongs
As we were getting ready
To make it on time
Johnny was in the back
Doing to many lines
v3
Our time came up
We were ready to roll
Johnny came out singing
Gave his heart and his soul
v4
(spoken)
When it came to our one song
That everybody knew
Johnny stumbeled and he fumbuld
Like he didnt have a clue
v5
I put down my guitar
And dragged him off the stage
His mind was so messed up
The fans went into a rage
chorus
Johnny our lead singer
First love wasnt a song
He loved Jack Daniels and loved doing bongs
As we were out rockin
Johnny was passed out on the back bar
He missed his one shot at being a star
v6
We got it together
Gave a guitar solo
Sent the crowd to the ceiling
Then an awsome drumroll
(Spoken)
Johnny missed the party of the year
When he woke up, said hell,
Give me a shot and a beer
lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores
13/08/2004 11:34 am
ok nice try and I like the idea you did make parts pretty descriptive but it still needs some work. one of the tricks to writing a nice flowing song is to keep each stanza as close in leanght and width as you can. so when you say:
He loved Jack Daniels and loved doing bongs
it sticks out from the rest of the song and also will take up a longer time to sing than the others so it will most likely sound awkward. Also with V5 try making it 4 lines long jusst like the previouse stanzas if you can, its not the end of the world if you don't though.
We got it together
Gave a guitar solo
Sent the crowd to the ceiling
Then an awsome drumroll
in this stanza im just not grabbed by the lyrics. how about
We got it together,
blazed through the solo,
the crowd hit the cieling,
finished with a drumroll.
you don't have to change it cuz it's just my suggestion. Good luck with the songs and I hope you stay at guitarnoise.com.
bstguitarist
:lol:
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
Topic starter
13/08/2004 2:37 pm
Thanks alot bstguitarist, I apreceate the reply and the input. Nite........
lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores