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22/05/2005 9:22 pm
Okay I've made a few chorusses. Or I tried to make things that kinda look like it ^^
Maybe I'll do some more during this week, as I want to practise as much as possible! I don't really like that last one, but I thought instead of deleting it, post it to see comments!
Ireland (Constantyne)
Ireland, you island in the rain,
With your fields so green,
Ireland, my one true love,
With your cliffs so high,
Know that I'll be there,
To embrace you once again
Waiting On A Dream (AerynK.McAvan)
Sometimes I wonder,
Am I waiting on a dream?
Am I waiting on a dream,
Or is this going to be real?
Can you tell me, do you know?
Does it happen, will it show?
Or am I waiting on a dream?
May 15th (SlowPlay)
May 15th,
Just another day?
May 15th,
What will you bring?
May 15th,
Another ordinary day,
May 15th,
Come what may.
It's not over till the end (pbee)
Whenever you're stuck,
And you can't get out,
Remember that
It's not over till the end
Whenever it's hard,
Just to go on,
You should know that
It's not over till the end
23/05/2005 12:21 am
Hey Karla, nice work.
Just a few quick comments:
Ireland: I love the last line. And the "true love" line was pretty good too.
Waiting On A Dream: I think you've done a good job capturing the confusion someone experiences in waiting. I'd like to see more dream imagery, but maybe that's what goes in the verses.
May 15th: I was curious if someone was going to do this one... I only put it down as a title because that's the day I wrote my list of titles. I was thinking it would work better if you tied it into what you did on May 15th (or any other day that was ordinary), but again, maybe that's w more of a verse sorta thing.
It's not over till the end: When I read it I thought that those lines would make great a verse to a song, so I think your instincts about it are correct.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Topic starter
23/05/2005 8:25 am
yeah when I wrote those things, I thought about what the verses could contain. I think Ireland would have descriptive verses about the nature, the people. The waiting on a dream would have verses to describe what that dream is, what I'm waiting for. And maybe I'd do three verses for may 15th: one as if written on the day before, one where May 15th is the present and one where May 15th is past. That might work for me :)
25/05/2005 8:11 pm
Hi Karla,
Overall I think you've nice job this week.
Ireland (Constantyne)
Firstly, I like the phrases you have used here but I question their placement in the song . For me verses are about building the proposition and the chorus then comes to a conclusion.
I feel these lines are the proposition
Ireland, you island in the rain,
With your fields so green,
Ireland, my one true love,
With your cliffs so high,
And these lines
Know that I'll be there,
To embrace you once again
are the conclusion, which incidentally I really like.
Waiting On A Dream (AerynK.McAvan)
I like what you've done here. Very much in the style of a conclusion or musing. I think the questioning fits well with the title.
May 15th (SlowPlay)
I agree with SlowPlay here, of course its pretty hard to conclude anything if you don't know what the proposition is, “May 15†is a pretty open ended title.
It's not over till the end (pbee)
I have to disagree with SlowPlay here. I think this does work as a chorus in as much as it is a conclusion although I think I would narrow its scope a bit to something like:
So whenever you're stuck, ……… And whenever it's hard……..,
Keep up the good work. :D
