SSG week 31 - My first

hello peachfur and welcome:)

at the beginning I thought, well 'I guess you never really thought this through'...I've heard that in a song before(if I could only remember which one)...but then again it's not that extraordinary(means this can come to your mind without ever having heard that other song) and it fits your song rather well, I now see it belongs there-so excuse me :wink:
if I remind you that you're nothing but a dream...
maybe you can work on this? I can't really tell you what bothers me- maybe use 'vison' instead of 'dream'?

I love the rest of the song, everything that follows, exspecially the end
( starting with"township...")

do you have any music in mind for it seem so to me-the way you structured it (I like the question, "Salamander?" sounds like where are you?, a need for company,loneliness, fear I can imagine it like a fearful, whisper)

good job:)
keep it up.
bluenightangel

Thanks, bluenightangel :)
Quote:
if I remind you that you're nothing but a dream...

maybe you can work on this? I can't really tell you what bothers me- maybe use 'vison' instead of 'dream'?

To be honest, I was in doubt about that whole verse (or whatever I should call it..) Thought that 'bitterness and hate'-line sounded somewhat cliché-ish + there's too many words..
'Vision' is a good suggestion, but it would still sound kinda odd, don't you think?

Let's see...

Faithless I'll decease
-that is my fate
and the purpose of my guardian devil
but...
your momentum will decrease
-evaporate!
if I remind you that you're just a vision...

...I don't know... :?
do you have any music in mind for it seem so to me-the way you structured it

Yeah, it changes everytime I play it in my head, or on my guitar though..
But I guess it would be like a circle-composition, starting with a theme of some sort, then changing into different parts to fit the different moods of the lyrics (f.ex. there would be a dramatic change just about on the 'but...'-line, etc.), and a quiet, kinda mystic/ reflecting ending with the opening-theme returning but in a somewhat different wrapping (just like the devil/salamander who returns as an angel), then abrupt silence, leaving a question mark in the air.
So, now I just have to write it... :wink:

-Oh, by the way; with the 'Salamander?'-question, I was aiming for something more like 'Is it you?!' -surprised, almost incredulous.
And I'll definitely make it a fearful whisper now. Great idea!
:D
I gotta go grab my guitar and compose the melody for this..

Thanks again!

Thanks again!you're welcome:)

I'm glad I could be of help for you.
I like what you told me about how it might sound-please post it if you record it!I'd like to hear it.
it seems you're quite experienced in composing...I guess I'm not-I have no problem writing down the words but I always stop in my tracks without any ideas when it comes round to the music/melody
it surely would be useful to be a better guitar player, but what else can I do, I'm working on it;)
but it would still sound kinda odd, don't you think?

I...er I don't know, I like either version of the beginning of the verse though your second is better, I think.as for 'vision'...I honestly can't tell

I'm certain you will get this one right.
love,
bluenightangel

heh..well, this is how I usually compose music:
You know when you're playing your guitar (or any other instrument for that matter), and you get that spirit over you that you don't wanna play any of the stuff you already know, but you do wanna play something, and for an instance you just stop thinking and let your fingers play whatever they want to play, and maybe they'll play something really crappy, but if you're lucky they play some kick ass riff, or something, that you can use as a basis for your song... Very cool when that happens :D just a pity that I can't plan those moments, and they don't come to me very often..

Another way is just improvising. Maybe just playing chords, and humming some melody over it, and don't stop if it doesn't sound good, just move in a different direction (f.ex. trying other chords, another rhythm, etc.), and all the time trying to avoid falling into playing that same old boring stuff you've heard/ played before. Sooner or later some good music will show up, and then you just have to remember what it was you just played...

So, this is how I end up with alot of fragments/ parts, and I almost never make a complete song out of it.. not sure why.. when I try, I always feel that I wanna make it better/ add another part, etc...

When it comes to writing lyrics, I'm lost.
Actually, this one is the first ever that I'm somewhat satisfied with

-Nice to meet such involvement! -and keep working on your guitar playing :)

"kick donkey"!?

-oh well.. :roll: