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Sunday Songwriters Group
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Topic starter
10/08/2004 11:55 am
Hey everyone! Another new guy here. I been looking for some help to write songs for a little while now and this forum finally inspired me so thanks! Hoping to be a regular here. This is my first song ever so dont expect it to be great, but it would be great to get some advice / constructive criticism, so tear it apart! Its about an event that hasn't happened yet and a band that doesn't exist yet (but im in there!)
Enjoy! (I hope :oops: )
(V1 spoken)
In the dark backstage
Baby in hand
Feel the nerves take hold
Of all of the band
(sung)
Praying to the Gods of rock
Begging to be blessed
Will it rock?
Will it be an early death?
(chorus)
Playing the show
We could be alright
We practiced for hours
To get through tonight
(V2 spoken)
The heat of the spotlight
Baby in hand
Feeling the nerves take over
Of all of the band
(Sung)
Performing my heart out
It's all for the song
They seem like thousands
Don't let my notes be wrong
(Chorus)
Playing the show
We should be alright
We practiced for hours
We'll get through tonight
(V3 Spoken)
The end of the gig
Baby in hand
Feel the nerves calming
The relief through the band
(Sung)
Our moment of glory is over
We hear some applause
We put our everything in
So wheres the cheers or roars?
(Outro-Chorus)
Played the show
Was the first time
We'll practice for hours
Will be noticed next time...
"If guitar playing was easy, EVERYONE would be doing it" - My Tutor
H-Hello Offischer, I washn't doin nuffing...
10/08/2004 2:48 pm
Nice try for a first post, I like the idea :lol:
here are some tips for your song,
In the dark backstage
Baby in hand
Feel the nerves take hold
Of all of the band
how about this,
In the dark backstage,
baby in me gentle hand,
fell the nerves take hold,
to the whole band.
just my oppoinion of that because your version of that verse seemed like it left out some description and left me wondering.
and
Playing the show
We could be alright
We practiced for hours
To get through tonight
how about:
Playing the show,
we could be alright,
we practice for hours
to get through the night.
just my opinion well Im short on time so i must cut this short I will post later if I remember
bstguitarist
good luck! welcome to guitarnoise,
:lol:
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
Topic starter
13/08/2004 12:24 am
Thanks for the feedback Bstguitarist! It is much appriciated (spelling?), especially since this is my first song.... I dont write incredibly fast so i don't know if I'll get a revised version out soon, but I will definatly follow your advice.
Thanks also for the welcome, I'm looking forward to the next assignment now!
"If guitar playing was easy, EVERYONE would be doing it" - My Tutor
H-Hello Offischer, I washn't doin nuffing...