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Sunday Songwriters Group
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24/10/2004 8:37 am
WGidday everyone,
Got put on to this site by my good mate Nicola (hey chick!)
Thought I'd give this a bash as she said it got ya thinking and my brain needs a bit more activity than the staple diet of sit coms that it has been used to over the last few months!
Anyway, this is my first go, so feedback would be great. It's not actually my normal style (although I haven't really written any that anyone else as 'critqued' before, so couldn't really say I necessarily have a style!) and isn't really you're standard verse chorus verse. Probably not long enough to be considered finished either, anyway let me know what you think.
MISSING YOU
One more kiss and then you're gone.
Leaving me to carry on.
With nothing more, than the memory of your touch
I wouldn't miss you all that much….
If that much meant.. you were here.
You're not the girl I fell in love with
All those years ago.
You're so much more than she could ever be
You mean nothing to me
If nothing, meant everything
You're the Harmony to my Melody,
My Symphony.
I tried to write a love song
to explain the way I feel
But how can words begin to say
what to me seems so unreal.
You put the song within my soul,
the smile upon my face
And when your hand is held in mine,
the world becomes a better place.
You're the Harmony to my Melody,
My Symphony.
25/10/2004 12:23 pm
hey, welcome coops :D
there are 2 places in that song I absolutely love:
If that much meant.. you were here.
If nothing, meant everything
I'm not very fond of the verse chorus verse standard, it is alright though but I don't mind other patterns;)
I think there is no law(not even an unwritten one) about how long a song has to be minimum or maximum.
if this were my piece I'd leave out the second verse because for me it spoils the atmosphere I get from the first verse and even the chorus. in my opinion it would work great to have just verse#1 and the chorus. When you actually play&sing it someday you could do something like verse#1 chorus parts of verse#1 chorus or only chorus verse#1 chorus... well you'll get the point.
anyways just my thoughts, you have to decide for yourself :wink:
hope this helped you a bit.
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
25/10/2004 1:38 pm
8) 8) welcome, I agree with bluenightangel, the first verse is very strong and can stand by itself very well. some one once said that the best thing about rock music is there are NO RULES :!: :lol: -the dog
25/10/2004 5:39 pm
Hi Coops,
Is there a way that you can dream up a movie scene that does exactly what your lyric says?
If you can imagine such a thing, try to describe what is happening in the scene, not telling me what the action is.
Once you can do that, you can start to include your own private imagery.
You certainly have a handle on the basics, but you could do more to make this song uniquely your own.
Nick