Y7W10 - Long Time Separated

Jeremy,

Sounding good. Nice feel and words match the mood. :D

Suggestions

The lick is on the minor sounding side...I am not sure what you are tuned to but if your notes were eegede, try eeg#ede...I think that is changing it from a minor to a major sound....the words seem like it should be upbeat and major instead of minor...happy to see old friends.

Goin' back to Ohio
I'll get in touch with you then
Goin' back to my home [country] town
Wanna see you my old friend [like the good old days, my friend]
So long since we've spoken [So long since I've seen you]
Gotta tell me how you been [Gotta find out how you been]

We've been long time separated but
We can pick right back up again

Haven't seen you in so long
Sometimes it gives me pain [the separation is a pain]
For six years I've been travellin'
But gotta see you again [But I'll see you soon again]
Guess I could have called you [Guess I could have written]
At least I Facebook now and then [Facebook really doesn't seem like the best fit here: At least I called (you) now and then]

We've been long time separated but
We can pick right back up again

[reorganized the lines]
[Comin' back to you my brother
So get your banjo ready
And Davey on his violin
Comin' with guitar in hand
Get Skipper on his gut-bass
Time to reform the band] this is a good end line

We've been long time separated but
We can pick right back up again

(banjo solo)

Well we never played a real show
Never paid for what we do
Always playin' for recreation
Maybe impress a friend or two
While our music may be decent
Really wanna just see you

We've been long time separated but
Brothers pick right back up again [no apostrophe needed]

We've been long time separated but
Brothers pick right back up again [no apostrophe needed]

Again, good song, Jeremy. :D

-James

Hi Jeremy,

I would definitely remove the Facebook reference - it seems out of place and very un-bluegrass. The thing I always liked about bluegrass lyrics is that they usually deal in universal themes and are not tied down to any particular place or time in history.

Apart from that, most of the song is pretty catchy and likeable. I do feel that maybe verse 2 is too much of a repetition of the themes from verse 1. If you break it down line by line, there are at least 3 lines which were already said or implied in verse 1. In other words, it doesn't add much new to the song. The only info I would want to keep from v2 is the line "For six years I've been travellin'". Maybe you can start from that and rebuild the verse with its own distinct theme (like verse 3 has the theme of the band members).

I like the playing, could you post some info about your tuning and chord progression? I'd also like to see what happens if another chord is added to the progression, making it more like a 16-bar blues. If I see your chords I might be able to work out what that missing imaginary chord I'm hearing should sound like.

Hi Jeremy,
nice song very catchy :D . Definitely remove the Facebook reference James's lines would work instead. I think Id also change the "six years I've been travelling" line , 5 years , 6 years 10 years it really doesnt matter, whats important is that he's been travelling for a long time, so somrething more generalised here would work for me.

cheers
Paul

Thanks - all great suggestions, really helped me work out some kinks and help me form into something I like much more! When I really do get my brother and his banjo, I think we'll have some fun with this.

-contagiousjerm

Long Time Separated

Goin' back to Ohio
I'll get in touch with you then
Goin' back to my home country
Wanna see you my old friend
So long since we've spoken
Gotta find out how you been

We've been long time separated but
We can pick right back up again

Many years I've been travellin'
At least I write you now and then
Haven't seen you in so long
Know I feel it like a pain
It's not my feet that are weary
I gotta see you again

We've been long time separated but
We can pick right back up again

Tell Skipper to get his gut-bass
And Davey tune his violin
And get your banjo ready
I'm comin' with guitar in hand
Comin' back to you my brother
Time to reconstruct the band

We've been long time separated but
We can pick right back up again

(banjo solo)

Well we never played a real show
Never paid for what we do
Always playin' for recreation
Maybe impress a friend or two
While our music may be decent
Really wanna just see you

We've been long time separated but
Brothers pick right back up again

We've been long time separated but
Brothers pick right back up again

Jeremy,

Nice job on the rewrite :D

Know I feel it like a pain
It's not my feet that are weary
I gotta see you again

This part seems a bit awkward...I'm sure when you sing it, it will flow, but the foot reference and traveling back to a home country seems like a stretch.

I'm glad your coming up with some songs you'll be able to jam with back home with your brother :note2:

-James