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Sunday Songwriters Group
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Topic starter
11/03/2009 7:56 am
Ok, yeah, a little slow... George is still working on his leads. Don't know where Ringo went; wandering around the city again. Anyway, thought I'd record a rough cut anyway and submit it. I spent all last week listening to as much Beatles as I had - and listening to it again. Great stuff. You may not catch what I'm getting at in this, and that's ok, its has to with my little brother who is the kind of Beatles fan who can tell you which Beatle sings what... it's sung from his perspective.
www.soundclick.com/jeremysutter
[bMy Belle]
I saw her standing there
My Sexy Sadie, lovely Rita, Polythene Pam
My Lucy in the Sky, my Honey Pie
Oh Darlin I'd been searchin' for my Belle
I need you, love me do,
I wanna be your man
I've just seen a face gotta get you into my life
All you need is love, and I love her
But help! this bird has flown
I say.. I feel fine
If I fell, not a second time
She came in through the bathroom window
But now she's leaving home
Her Majesty's brought me misery
She's so heavy, so I'll let it be
Maybe we can work it out
with a little help from my friends
Wait, do you want to know a secret?
Girls got a devil in her heart
Gotta get back, it isn't getting better
As if I needed someone
I'm a loser, I'll cry instead
I'm gonna sit right down and cry
sit right down and cry
chorus
I had a gift from me to you
every little thing
I worked so hard eight days a week
She said, she said you never give me your money
Honey don't, all this I, me, mine
I should have known better
won't be two of us when I'm sixty-four
You've got a ticket to ride, tell me why
when I get home I'm gonna lose that girl
chorus
Forgive me for this glass onion,
it all about the name unsaid
my golden slumbers dig a pony
because all my lovin' can't buy me love
Now I've got to carry that weight
But I've broken my baby's chains
Yesterday, the two of us,
but today here comes the sun
Hello, goodbye… All Together Now!!!
chorus
And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876
11/03/2009 8:53 am
Jeremy,
Good go at it! :D
It looks like you took a lot of love songs and made it into a break up song. I think you stretched a bit musically and had a bit of a Beatles sound with a Dylan"ish" singing style.
Suggestions:
Going back to the chorus each time made it feel a touch on the long side, but you are definitely working hard for the money getting all those words in....I checked 3:50...that's not too long....maybe cause it's so packed tight with lyrics it feels that way. Consider adding a bit more contrast between the verse and the chorus....many syllables in vs. contrasted with few syllables in ch.
I am still tryin' to catch a train of thought for this week....I think I can....I think I can....I think I can.... :lol:
James
11/03/2009 10:22 am
Hey Jeremy
I'm really stuck on this project. I wrote a song similar to yours using Beatles song titles, but just couldn't get it together - oops, there I go again... You've really gone for the bonus points eh?
Well done for trying it.
Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!
11/03/2009 10:26 am
Methinks you could sing the telephone book . . . and make it sound good.
I'm very impressed.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Topic starter
12/03/2009 6:21 am
It looks like you took a lot of love songs and made it into a break up song
Actually, a number of these songs are break up songs or singing about an unkind girl (this bird has flown, girl, et.) but yeah, change the meaning by putting in that order.
tretched a bit musically and had a bit of a Beatles sound with a Dylan"ish" singing style.
Yeah, the voice wasn't what I wanted, but I kind of rushed to get a recording - I am working with someone to make some Harrison like guitar leads and make parts of the song harmonized. Also, the length is very uncharacteristic of the Beatles. I'm probably going to trim it down to 2, at most 3, verses. Also, I considered using less titles and putting in more of my story. a touch on the long sideyeah, for a Beatles song it is
many syllables in vs. contrasted with few syllables in ch good idea... I'll see what I can do
jeremy
And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876