Y8 W19 - The World Is Not Enough

Hi Vic,

Good start :D A lot of anger going on but it makes for a clear emotion.

This is my favorite part:
The world is not enough for you, you have to destroy mine as well,
The world is not enough for you, you have to put me in hell....

Suggestion: If you wanted to try a bit of a humorous approach, consider listing specifics of how the singer was giving the singer the world, but the singer has low expectations.

For example, someone told me a story a couple days ago of a man taking his wife/girlfriend "into town" for a big fancy meal at a restaurant b/c they lived in the rural countryside.....the person telling me the story didn't tell me the name of the "fancy restaurant" but she said when the woman ordered a chicken burger and got a hamburger, she was irate and refused to eat at the restaurant......the story was about the moods of a pregnant woman, but I kept thinking what is a FANCY restaurant serving chicken burgers and hamburgers..... :roll:....Wendy's? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wendy%27s
:lol:

.....so back to your song......Didn't I take you out for pizza when I got a 15% off voucher......Didn't I get you free meals by planting a cockroach in the potato salad after you finished 3/4 of the meal.....etc...
from David and Nick - basically, their advice was very similar. Just write any old rubbish - but don't even think about editing till you've got a full page.
I'd have to agree. Even last week, I knew the song needed reworking, but it's always a learning process.....and the dog topic, I really didn't want to touch all week but kept trying to rethink.....rethink.....sleep.....rethink......and hit on something unexpected.

I had to destroy in my thinking that every song I write WILL BE better than the last.....I wrote a song for someone back in August to use to introduce weekly topics, so it has about 12 verses. I worked on it off and on getting the verses to them before their presentation.....They emailed that they needed the last two verses for the song....I forgot I had finished it already so I struggled away at trying to write the last two verses. I emailed them to him and they were ok....then I realized I had already finished the song and the verses I wrote weeks before were much better :evil: ....all that is to say, I know I want everything I write to be billboard top ten ready....but it's not like that.....nevertheless I'm writing simply b/c I like writing....and try to make the judge sit in the time out chair when he gets too demanding..... :wink:

James

P.S. I (the boy in the bubble) just stepped out/over to the other forum and read your other post.....I see I am not really adding anything new to what you had already discussed...but I agree again with mixing up the point of view....one thing I read recently about book writing was always write from the point of view from the person who has the most to loose. For example, if you are writing about a man with a gun running and firing at a guy running away, write from the point of view of the guy running away since he has the most to lose in the scenario.

Hi Vic,

I think this song has potential, I enjoyed the rhythm of the verses. I see what you mean about the chorus, it needs some kind of impromptu surprise element to knock it off its predictable course.

I found that story-wise the song has a beginning and an end but lacks a middle part, the intermediate stage which shows the progression of events or development of the theme. I would expect to find that in verse 2, but your verse 2 just repeats the ideas of verse 1 without really expanding on them.

I think if you can find your story arc, and try to think outside the box with a new chorus, you will soon improve it.

Hi Vic!

Aw, it's frustrating to be stuck... but this thing - Just write any old rubbish - but don't even think about editing till you've got a full page - does usually help. At least it keeps you going.. and, eventually, it'll be easier again, I promise :D

And all is not lost, look, you do have gems in there, e.g.:
Wasn't enough to get on the fast track,
You had to take the shirt right off my back....
Perfect! I love! :D
(the image that evoked in my head, great!)

Keep 'em coming :)
Cheers,
straycat.