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18/04/2007 8:36 am
hello everybody...
last weekend I wrote my first (and probably last) song ever. it basically popped out, started with the first two lines that seemed to come right in a package with chords and rhythm and I kept on until it had a beginning a middle and and end. I am so happy with it just because it's there - my "baby" with all its flaws.
The occasion was that a friend asked for a song as a birthday present: "you noodle on that thing (the guitar) all the time, now write me a song... one of those you sing under the streetlamp for your last love ... like "romeo & juliet"... "
I couldnt quite put the "tone" I wanted directly into the lyrics, the drama, the missing, the anger and most of all the irony of it looking back.That basically had to come with the music... so I recorded it. It's a lousy recording, I'm not the best singer and I stumble when singing and strumming at the same time... but I hope you´ll get the picture...
http://blueturnip.dmusic.com/
I'm not sure about the "perspective"... now it's a "me singinging about her", maybe a "me singing about you" would be more forceful (she/he is out because my friend's gay and I wouldnt be able to distinguish between the two shes)
Any suggestions are welcome, I dont want to make a complete fool out of myself with that gift... thanks a bunch!
lyrics
She never takes her coffee sweet
She cannot bear a lover weak
In times of trouble she never speaks
She'll never be "the one who weeps"
She likes to grow things from the seed
Dig in the dirt, fight evil weed
For us she planted a lilac tree
What it will grow to she'll never see
She suffers through the summer heat
The crickets steal her precious sleep
Those eyes of amber a vacant stare
No soul to seek, no thoughts to share
She nailed my heart onto the wall
blood drips and drops, a constant fall
The dreadful consequence of lies and cheats
why should she bother, it fits her needs
18/04/2007 11:37 pm
I like the writing. And the recording sounds good also nice job.
"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile
19/04/2007 12:07 am
Hi Blue Turnip, I like your idea of the “me / you†style. Or you could be a little adventurous here and use both the current style and “me/youâ€. For example:
V1
She never takes her coffee sweet
She cannot bear a lover weak
In times of trouble she never speaks
She'll never be "the one who weeps"
V2
She likes to grow things from the seed
Dig in the dirt, fight evil weed
For us she planted a lilac tree
What it will grow to she'll never see
Chorus
But you nailed my heart onto the wall
my wounded pride, in constant fall
And now I live the lies and cheats
why should you care, it fits your needs
V3
She suffers through the summer heat
The crickets steal her precious sleep
Those eyes of amber a vacant stare
No soul to seek, no thoughts to share
Chorus
You nailed my heart onto the wall
my wounded pride, in constant fall
And now I live the lies and cheats
why should you care, it fits your needs
I know that's not quite there yet either but its something you could think about. I think this song needs a focal point and by personalising it you can achieve that. If this doesn't work for you try the full “You/me†structure. Ill have a listen to this when I get home.
Cheers
Paul
