My first song

Hey Ethan - This is Great man!!!! :D

Is it fair if I guess????

Hendix
SRV
B.B.
G.M.

I'm wondering if you consider Mark Knopfler to be one of 'em - :wink:

Great story.
A bit long though.
I wouldn't even know what parts to cut out yet - they're all pretty good.

Back to the Dire Straits lines - I might suggest:

"He sings about some watchtower
Works the fretboard to let it sing
Seems to hold some kinda power
When he (play Jimi signature lick in song key here) does his thang"

Then do the same for each verse that has that line - only put in the guitarists signature lick in that the verse is talking about.

Great Job!!!!
Keep 'em coming

Ken

Okay -
I'm thinkin -

The Blues House, it's a rat cage
Way over on the wrong side of town
And there's some crazy American
Sings about a watchtower
That wields his axe upside down

Unfortunately, that leaves the way cool signature lick part hangin' for the moment.

What do ya think????

Ken

That's it-Hendrix, SRV, B.B and G.M. The last part after Gary's bit is about B.B and Gary playing together like in that vid that was posted here a while back and I pointed you to.

Also, good guess on the Dire Straits bit. I had been listening to Sultans of Swing for three days straight when I wrote this :lol:

Thanks again for your help, I'm way too structered as a songwriter for the moment, especially a blues guy. I'd like to stick a couple of cool B.B-style licks in there after every second verse, before I start on a new musician :wink:

I love the idea of the signature lick. I'm going to start researching SRV licks just for this 8) I'm not a huge SRV fan, but he deserves mention, even if its just by little old me :wink:

And you're right-it is too long. I'd like to have the vocalist talk less and the guitars talk more, but I'm afraid I can't quite make the guitar tell my story yet. :lol:

There is nothing that affects me quite as much as a good blues performance, and I'd like to reflect that in this song.

Once again, thanks for your help and the praise :D

Rock On

Ethan

So - musically....
I'm thinkin that since B.B.'s yer Hero,
Something in the Key of B would be good.
As this is a very B.B. sounding key (think Thrill is Gone).
It also then allows you to play higher up the fretboard in the so-called Albert King/B.B. King boxes,
And then contrast that nicely with something in B MAJOR pentatonic when you do the SRV lick.
This will sound very SRVish as he often liked to tune his guitar down 1/2 a step.
It would be like SRV playing in what looks on his guitar to be A (think Cold Shot).

I don't know where you're at musically....?
Is this making any sense to you????

Ken

I'm gonna be 100% honest. I didn't like it. I think it's something you can improve on, you have a good idea here, but I don't like it too much. There's just something about it.

Verse 1- Good.

Verse 2- Jimi didn't even write Watchtower. I don't like the "works the fretboard" line. Too straight forward, IMO. I like the 3rd line, but not the 4th.

Verse 3- I like line 1 and 3, but the initials written on his guitar is completely random and feels out of place. Something like..."Another American plays with/ his initials written on his guitar. Even with broken strings"

Verse 4- Actually, his guitar does have to sing and cry to tell his story. Something like "This old shaby guitar brings him glory/When its crying and singing/his emotional face tells his story"

Verge 5- First. I'd put BB King before SRV here. Don't like this. I like the Lucille hint, but other than that, meh. Needs work.

Verse 6- I like this a lot.

Verse 7- I like this too.

Verse 8- Not bad, could be reworked a lil though.

The rest of the song is damn good (verses 9-14).

So yea, don't get offended or anything. It has potential, good concept. Keep working on it.

Okay Ethan, I'm in mad scientist mode here. :twisted:

First off - Sometimes, I've noticed that people get to writing song lyrics and they try to cram 5 songs into one.
You have to be very selective in what you're writing about sometimes.
And Taking what Kevin has said into consideration - perhaps you might think about making this into a few different songs.
Starting with what Kevin said about the last verses being his favorites (the ones about just that G.M./B.B. vid)
Maybe that should be the extent of the song????
That would give you more material for a couple other songs as well.

On the other hand -
I am really lovin' the multi player concept. :D
And stickin' with the key of B will work out SO well....
Yes - The Thrill is Gone is in B, so we have B.B. covered.
Yes - SRV liked ta tune down 1/2 a step and play in "A", so playing in B Major pentatonic will cover that nicely for SRV.
And Yes - Bob Dylan wrote All Along the Watchtower (in the key of B)
And Jimi is very well known for covering that song live. (also in the key of B)
And since this is a song about your heros - And Dylan was Jimi's hero (we all have to have 'em :wink: )
I found that more than appropriate.
Now all you have ta do is find some G.M. licks in B (maybe he uses a signature lick in the B.B. vid???? Most likely in B)

Now here's the mad scientist part :twisted: -

Instead of playing all over the neck randomly for the solo,
and instead of just playing anywhere for the signature licks.....
Do you like movies???? I'm a movie snob, amongst other things :)
And I love director's movies.
Know of a director named Sergio Leone????
He made those spaghetti westerns that made Clint Eastwood a superstar.
He also did a spaghetti western called Once Upon a Time in the West.
In that movie, the main characters all had a signiture 'tune' if you will that often preceeded or accompanied them in
the film.
I propose that you do something similar to that in your song.
Say - SRV always gets played on the 4th fret (B maj.)
B.B. always gets played in the B.B. King box.
Jimi always gets played say in the first position B minor pent/blues scale
Gary Moore in a diferent place.
(You'll have to work Jimi and Gary's positions out based on their chosen licks)
Then when it comes time for the big solo break - You stick to those licks/positions.

I don't know where your playing ability is -
If you're not too agile with moving around the fretboard for your solos - This will be a wonderful exercise for you.
You know, start off with a B.B. lick and build on it in that position until say you wanna grab a bittersweet major thing,
then slide over to that pos. and start with the SRV lick and build from there, etc.....

Hope I haven't gotten too far out for ya....?
Sometimes - I'm just an excitable boy they all say (Warren Zevon) :D

Don't be afraid to tell me I went all cornball on you - My ex-wife always stopped me when I got rollin' on stuff like this.
I know how I can be. :lol:

Ken

Thanks for all your help everyone. I kind of like the idea of splitting it up into two smaller songs, I'll work on that :D

I've never heard any incredible guitar work out of Stevie Ray Vaughan, but then again I'm not a huge SRV fan, either.

Maybe one about all the musicians, and another about B.B and Gary playing together?

I knew it needed work. Don't be afraid to criticize and rewrite. That's why I posted it here :D

There's much more talented songwriters here than me and it seems some of them decided to help with my song :D

Thanks all and Rock On

Ethan

Also, Kevin, looking at your avatar, I had to ask, man; "Are You Experienced?" 8)

OK, guys, here's the current edition. I've decided to change the song up into 2 different songs, one about my heroes and one about B.B and G.M jamming. Here's the B.B and G.M one for the moment

This old cafe is falling apart at the seams,
But there's too much here to let it die
Just get swept up by the mainstream,
Happens to everything, no one knows why

The music dies down, but the blues still sings
The kid steps off the stage, shaking in his shoes
The old man, makes it fast with one last thing
"We are the ones, The Men of the Blues"


My idea for the solo is two guitars trading licks back and forth-one with a sound like B.B, the other kind of reminiscent of Gary's style.

Also, Ken, I'll definitely use the signature tune idea for my other song. I love the idea of being able to echo all these guys in one of my pieces :D

Thanks a lot guys, really appreciate this

Fly On

Ethan

Great Ethan!!!! :D

I really like the changes and the reshuffles.

I could almost hear it when I read it :D :wink:

Keep hammerin' away at it.

8)

Ken

Thanks for the kind words

Ethan