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31/07/2005 10:10 pm
Stop the Road from Dying
Small brittle fleets of stones
Scatter in circles across the road
Its history moves
Towards the edge
Its crumbling again
Another signature
Posts a dreaded time
Boundaries placed along an uneven line
A voice is screaming
“Stop the movement"
But its range is broken
And no one hears it
Portable ambitions
Fuel a demonstration
Angered sounds
Break the clouds
Move another statement
To tomorrow's light
Let it begin again
Stop the road from dying
It's not a pointless memory
I need it to sit still
My camera won't hold its presence
It's irrelevant
I'm afraid to watch it go
I've known it for so long
It's another home
I understand its harmfulness
But I'm willing to endanger myself
Just let it live
I'm willing to let it play again
Stop the road from dying
It's not a pointless memory
I need it to sit still
My camera won't hold its presence
It's irrelevant
Its beauty
Can not be written
Or replicated with thinking
It ruins it
Leaves swirl its picture
Warm colors soak through
Smiles reflect in the imagery
It's perfect
And I may hate its meaning
But can't I learn to deal with it?
Stop the road from dying
It may be hopeless
But I need it
It's soothing
For some moments
Please, don't steal it
It's mine and I need it
I know I'm going to hurt again
But I'm lonely
And it's comforting
Maybe only for some moments
But I'm lonely
I know I'm going to hurt again
But it's mine and I need it
01/08/2005 4:16 pm
Hey PoeSmi,
Nice work again. Good rhythm and good feel.
Two parts just don't seem quite right to me though:
1) The word 'camera' just doesn't seem to fit the language of the rest of the work. In the first verse you conjure up for me images of an ancient dirt path on the side of a hill that has been there through years of history; then "camera". You described it much better towards the end of the song talking about written words and painted pictures anyway.
2) Ditto for the "deal with it" part. If you want to jar the listener out of your word pictures into reality, then this line is great. If not, then it kinda sticks out.
Also, don't be afraid the join the discussion. It's easy; just point out something you like about a song, and something you don't like about it. It's imporant because everyone comes to the table with different strenghts and weaknesses and points of view. You don't have to do all of them... there are too many, but I like to make sure I critique more songs than I post. Thinking about other people's music will definitely help you write better.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Topic starter
01/08/2005 4:54 pm
Thanks for the comments.
It's about a memory that you don't want to get rid but you have to because it hurts you too bad to keep it. And you're constantly looking for reasons to keep it around. The camera simulates you wanting to recapture it as like a photo or a piece of writing, or something other than a image in your brain but it just isn't the same it doesn't have same feel.
It's pretty much an argument within oneself over knowing that the time will be coming whether to continue on without it or remain the same by keeping it.
01/08/2005 6:37 pm
Yeah, I got why you used the camera metaphor, I was just pointing out that the language doesn't fit the style of the rest of the song. As I said, the writing and painting imagery you use is much strong in the context of the song.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
06/08/2005 3:18 pm
Hey I really liked it. "Portable ambitions fuel a demonstration" .. I really liked that line. I even took a song I was writing and "forced-fit" your lyrics to it's rhythm. I'll send it to you if you like. I would also like to hear a recorded version of this if you have it. Regardless, very nicely written. You wasted a good two hours of my evening ... but in a good way. Cheers.
06/08/2005 3:26 pm
Also, the camera bit is kind of bugging me too. Not too sure why, but maybe changing camera to "hands" or "heart" ... dunno. Just a thought.