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Topic starter
23/03/2004 8:19 pm
This one mirrors the situation of the song I posted yesterday. I would love some feedback on both songs. A simple "dont like it" is fine, just let me know something.
This ones got a reggae thing goin on.
She got out of the car I opened my arms
And saind its good to see you again
I looked in her eyes shouldve realized
What kind of trouble I was in
I wrote her a song Guess I played it all wrong
Maybe she didnt like what she heard
She told me goodbye I think I know why
But I couldnt say another word
Chorus
Go on girl run away
Ill be right here and Ill be okay
I know what its like to be afraid
Maybe Ill try another day
Look back and I think as I take a drink
'Bout all the things I did wrong
Shes still too young to understand love
And I scared her off with my song
Guess I dont know how loves s'posed to go
Guess that Im still too young too
I can still smile It was all worth the while
Her memory could never make me blue
Chorus x 2
Thanks
Rbert
24/03/2004 7:28 pm
i think it is a good premise for a song...seems the main character is very understandin of the situation...
i would like to hear a lil more flip floppin between the understandin and aw shucksness...to a lil tinge of bitch i wrote this song for u and u turn without any thanks ...i hope the door smacks ya on the ass on the way out...a lil bitterness for the effort
mudd
that be my small crit...but i can feel the song flow and like the plot of the chorus to the tune of i will get back up ...someday...
LIVELY UP YOURSELVES!!
25/03/2004 8:17 am
Hi RBERT,
I like it. It kinda has a Jimmy Buffett feel to it. In my head anyways. So I don't see it as an "aw-shucks" sorta vibe, but more of a "too laid back to care very much" thing. I like the lyrics, and the tune it plays to in my mind is really quite catchy. It's perfectly fine to write a song where nobody gets mad. Good work.
As always, that's just my $0.02.
-- Scratch
Topic starter
25/03/2004 7:30 pm
Its not a "you dirty ____ I hate you" song, Muddy. Its more of a " I dont give a ____. I was havin fun doin my thing anyway. Ill see you next time around." kind of song.
Jimmy Buffet, thats cool. I never even thought about him. I had the feel of the music from the beaches of say, Carlsbad (I did time on Camp Pendleton). But it does sound like something Jimmy Buffet would sing, cool. I guess only true surfers can get that Cali sound.
Thanks, Yall, for the input.
Later,
Rbert