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Topic starter
22/03/2004 9:43 pm
Hi. I am new to the group, and this is my first post. I wrote this song a few months ago... I would write another but this one just seems to fit the criteria :"love song with a twist".
Here it is: Miss You, Love
You know exactly how I feel
You know just how to break me
And as your hands move down
You know why I am shaking
<chorus> No one told me
"forever" could be so lonely
No one ever told me
You were lying
When you said you would hold me<chorus>
This is love
Forcing you on
Manipulating me
Silence my charity
If this is love
Please hate me
<>No one told me
"forever" could be so lonely
No one ever told me
You were lying
When you said you would just hold me<>
Tears running from the pain
Say your sorries
Promise to make your change
Say your sorries
As your hands move down
Probably not much for proper structure, but you know...
Anyway, I would love to know what you think.
thanks.
22/03/2004 10:50 pm
I like your work, it is really nice. I can't comment on the stucture since everyone tells me to get mine right.
However, the topic and the twist in love is good. Your words are good. very nice.
With some work it would be better, I like to rhyme on the most part but I am sure that isn't a rule.
It would help to put more space between verses and chorus so we don't have to try to figure that out while reading it.
Topic starter
23/03/2004 1:12 am
thanks for the reply :) by more space do you mean literally in the typing or do you mean in the ... i don't even know... lol what do you mean? :)
thanks
blair
23/03/2004 3:59 am
Yes I mean between typing. A blank line between each verse and chorus.