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Sunday Songwriters Group
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Topic starter
17/11/2003 9:09 pm
Another new way of writing lyrics that I have never done before. Pretty fun doing it this way. The list of words that popped up in my head while brainstorming:
Lost souls  Darkness  Hell  Condemnation  Evil  Shadows  Hades  Death  Eternal  No hope  Fear  Spirit   End of time  Beginning of time  Redemption  Kill  Destroy  Abyss
I think there are three of the words that I did not use.
No title yet.
Olav
V1
I roam in the shadows
Covered by your fear
In the darkness of your heart
There my evil can appear
Deception is my choice
Of  the evil I bring out
I can torture your life
With the spirit of doubt.
V2
My footstep cant be heard
No imprint to be found
Youve heard of my deeds
In the story of old
No life to be found
In Hades abyss
No hope for redemption
In the fire exist
Chorus
In spirit I prey
On the weak and the lost
Cant destroy the souls
For which the Lamb paid the cost
What He allows
Is as far as I can go
A war Ill never win
Due to Calvarys blood.
V3
Somewhere in the shadows
There I lie in wait
Searching for your doubt
With deception as my bait
Lies hide the cost
Of the price you will  pay
Eternal condemnation
In the darkness of hell
Chorus:
20/11/2003 10:45 am
Hi! First of all, are you olav of Olav Torvund's blues guitar website? Here're my suggestions verse-wise:
V1
I roam in the shadows
Covered by your fear
In the darkness of your heart
There my evil can appear
Deception is my choice
Of the hate I bring out
I can torture your life
With the spirit of doubt.
(Repeating evil in such short intervals doesn't wok for me)
V2
My footstep cant be heard
No imprint to be found
Youve heard of my deeds
In the story of old
No life to be found
In Hades abyss
No hope for redemption
if the fire persists
(the new last line now reflects a whole different feel to that verse and helps it flow with the complete song and its mood)
Chorus is fine and impressive but for the first line where you use "spirit" again. So I'd suggest "In flesh I prey
On the weak and the lost .."
The 3rd verse is fine. I don't think you'd need any changes there.
Hope I've been of some help :)
Topic starter
20/11/2003 4:08 pm
Alterego.
Yes you have been of great help.
I do agree with the suggestions you gave me and I will change it to that. Thanks for your input
And no I am not that Olav from Torvunds site.
20/11/2003 9:08 pm
You have a few imagery words in here, but you need more.
60 seconds, name as many things as you can that you'd see in horror movies.
It's a good framework.
20/11/2003 9:16 pm
I dont have anything to add except I know exactly what its about and I think its agreat ...
Cool how you can get yourself to think somewhat like he does, ;D
20/11/2003 10:05 pm
Good or great doesn't count in here though.... ;)
It's an exercise. Go get that imagery... ;D
23/11/2003 3:19 am
Since Nick has instructed not to use good or great, I would like to say this is quite adequate. ;)
In the second verse..I really liked this line...
My footstep cant be heard
No imprint to be found
But what followed didn't seem to carry the image
any further....which would have been great.
25/11/2003 12:29 pm
lol, I didn't say not to use it, I said it doesn't count.
If I tell my kids to draw me a circle and they draw a great square, well you get the idea...