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26/11/2003 6:17 am
Here is my post for week 4.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW
They know who I am.
At least they claim to see,
the who they think I am,
shells of history.
I know who they are.
Not very hard to see.
They live transparent lives,
dreamless worlds in need.
Chorus:
Ask someone who loves me.
Let them tell you why.
Let them fill your head with facts,
about those days gone by.
They lay claim to who I am.
What I was or seemed to be.
Yet all they see is shells,
cast offs of the former me.
They all know what's best.
Yes, what will make me see.
What their meddling minds,
think will set me free.
Looking at my past .
Just footprints in the sand.
As waves toss shell to shell,
crushing them to sand.
Chorus:
Ask someone who loves me.
Let them tell you why.
Let them fill your head with facts,
about those days gone by.
They lay claim to who I am.
What I was or seemed to be.
Yet all they see is shells,
cast offs of the former me.
I know who I am
I lay claim to me.
I am here right now ,
The guide to future me.
26/11/2003 9:56 pm
Hi Mj
This is really good and I don't think in need of much work at all.
The last line of verse 1 does seem out of place for me. I would have been tempted to go with
But that's my history
I stumbled a bit with the chorus just some lines don't quite meet the rhythm I've got for it - just have another look and make sure you're OK with it.
Great last verse
Good Stuff
Bob :)
You are what you eat, eat well
Topic starter
28/11/2003 6:25 am
Thanks Bob.
I fixed up the 1st verse.
Also changed chorus...few minor tweaks and
shortened the longest line. I think it flows a lot
better now.