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Topic starter
11/03/2009 12:11 am
Been a while since I wrote anything at all - since about week 10 - but life has been, shall we say, a little hectic since....
So I'll get back into the swing of this one by throwing a few train images together. Please note, Ken and Jeremy, not a chickadee in sight - not even a chick-a-boom rhythm, I'm thinking hard rock for this one with maybe a little slide guitar thrown in.
So here goes - and if it's as bad as I think it is, don't be afraid to let me have it with both barrels....but do let me know if there are ANY redeeming features at all!
Train Of Thought.
I've been steamin' mad for a while, yeah, I was a little loco there,
My mind was helter-skelter, my wheels were off-centre,
I was whistlin' in thin air...
I was railroaded into a corner, yeah, lost sight of my destination,
My head was screwed, dead man's handle skewed,
I was goin' nowhere,
(CHORUS)Well my train of thought's been here and there
And everywhere just lately,
Been on the wrong lines, I've been to hell and back,
Been like a butterfly in the breeze,
Blown here and there like straw in the wind,
Been all over the place, but now I'm back on track....
I've been sidetracked for a spell, in Desperationville,
Where the trains are late, and you're resigned to your fate,
And the sidings are filled,
I was shunted off the main line, made way for a ghost train,
I was way off beam, like a nightmare dream,
where too much blood was spilled,
(CHORUS)Well my train of thought's been here and there
And everywhere just lately,
Been on the wrong lines, I've been to hell and back,
Been like a butterfly in the breeze,
Blown here and there like straw in the wind,
Been all over the place, but now I'm back on track....
(BRIDGE)Been over the bridge of sighs,
Seen life with my own eyes,
There's something to live for, there's a higher station....
Seen a platform for success,
A way to get out of this mess,
There's always a better destination....
(CHORUS)Well my train of thought's been here and there
And everywhere just lately,
Been on the wrong lines, I've been to hell and back,
Been like a butterfly in the breeze,
Blown here and there like straw in the wind,
Been all over the place, but now I'm back on track....
(and maybe another chorus to fade out on.....?)
Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of things again, now that life has settled back down to a dreary plod instead of a frantic mess.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
11/03/2009 8:28 am
Been over the bridge of sighs,
Seen life with my own eyes,
I was kind of wondering about what was meant by "bridge of sighs"... so I looked it up on the internet. I guess there is such a bridge in venice, something about being connected to a prison and would be a convict's last view of the city before their incarceration. So did this have something to do with the "seeing life with my own eyes"? Maybe getting one last look before being condemned?
made way for a ghost train
is this about an impending collision, or about a personal revelation that you are becoming like a ghost?
Been like a butterfly in the breeze,
Blown here and there like straw in the wind,
These lines are pretty much saying the same thing with similar imagery... suggest changing the second to a new picture?
I did like the feel of this, even if there were no chickadees... it has a clear theme, yet doesn't suggest a single situation that it's about, so it stays general and open to interpretation and can apply all over.
Jeremy
And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876
11/03/2009 9:12 am
Vic,
I did like the feel of this, even if there were no chickadees... it has a clear theme, yet doesn't suggest a single situation that it's about, so it stays general and open to interpretation and can apply all over.
I agree.
Suggestion:
Consider revising these two times.
Been like a butterfly in the breeze,
Blown here and there like straw in the wind,
The rest of the song have very good train connections [pun intended :lol: ], but these 2 lines really don't seem to fit.
but you guys are having so much fun without me I think I'll just post the assignments, light the blue touchpaper and step back.....
I don't know. Things seemed to slow down quite a bit on the production line without your words of encouragement spurring us on....besides I think KG2 messed with my mojo....I can't think of an angle for this week....isn't it the moderator's job to step in and amend these situations? :lol:
James
11/03/2009 10:10 am
Hey Vic . . . hope things have settled down there so you can get back to business here.
OK, let's get to it . . .
Like a forced rhyme some of this is like a forced metaphor or pun. I would rather hear a good story than a forced metaphor so you might want to drop some of them.
A story about hobos riding railroad cars (ala 1930's American Depression era) would be a good veiwpoint for someone dealing with trains and having a hard life. So, with that theme, it's going to have more of a country flavor to it . . .
. . . which you should try . . . to stretch yourself into a different genre . . . I think you'd like country.
If you don't mind, I'm just going to put my interpretation on the first few verses . . . not any better . . .
you can pick out what you like . . . or just toss it all out as rubbish . . .
I've been steamin' mad for a while, yeah, I was a little loco there,
My mind was helter-skelter, my wheels were off-centre,
I was whistlin' in thin air...
I've been venting steam lately, yeah, a little loco at times
But now I'm on track, feels good to be back
I found myself even whistlin' again
I was railroaded into a corner, yeah, lost sight of my destination,
My head was screwed, dead man's handle skewed,
I was goin' nowhere,
My life's been like a runaway train, dead man's handle broke
Out of control and blowin' smoke
And headin' for God knows where
(CHORUS)Well my train of thought's been here and there
And everywhere just lately,
Been on the wrong lines, I've been to hell and back,
Been like a butterfly in the breeze,
Blown here and there like straw in the wind,
Been all over the place, but now I'm back on track....
(CHORUS)
Well my train of thought's been here and there
It seems I've been everywhere
Yet managed to get no place at all
Bought a ticket to hell and back,
But now I seem to be back on track
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
11/03/2009 12:12 pm
I don't know. Things seemed to slow down quite a bit on the production line without your words of encouragement spurring us on....besides I think KG2 messed with my mojo....I can't think of an angle for this week....isn't it the moderator's job to step in and amend these situations? :lol:
James
Hey, I didn't touch anyone's mojo . . . and when you touch yours . . . make sure you wash your hands. :mrgreen:
KG2 (better known as KR2)
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
12/03/2009 12:17 am
Great! More chickadee references...
I'll also echo the thought that the butterfly and the iron horse don't mix. Maybe some far-flung destinations?
Well my train of thought's been here and there
And everywhere just lately,
Been on the wrong lines, I've been to hell and back,
Been from Waterloo to Kalamazoo
From Liverpoll to Timbuktu,
Been all over the place, but now I'm back on track....
Can totally empathize with the "can't write with everything else that's going on," too, Vic, but I'm glad that this week called us both out. Good job.
Peace
Topic starter
12/03/2009 12:27 am
Hmm, pity no-one liked the butterfly/straw in the wind lines - I was trying to use them as an extended metaphor rather than two separate ones, but I can see why you all think they're a little out of whack with the rest of the train imagery...
Fortunately, I do like this idea....
Well my train of thought's been here and there
And everywhere just lately,
Been on the wrong lines, I've been to hell and back,
Been from Waterloo to Kalamazoo
From Liverpoll to Timbuktu,
Been all over the place, but now I'm back on track....
even though I've never been to LIVERPOLL..... :lol: - I forgive you David, I know it's only a typo! - and I think I'll use that instead, if that's OK with you.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
12/03/2009 12:31 am
How embarrassing! I'm so sorry, Vic!
Maybe I'm more like the narrator of my song than I thought!
Please, as always, feel free to use any suggestions I make, if for no other reason than to make me forget what a horrible speller I've become.
Peace