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Sunday Songwriters Group
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Topic starter
09/03/2009 4:34 am
Notice the glaring absence of the word chickadee . . .
Train of Thought . . . by KR2
Sittin' on the patio
Listening to the radio
Thinkin' of lyrics to write
After hours of stewin'
Words started brewin'
And then the wife interrupts
“I'm going to the store
Be back around four
Is there something you would like?â€
“Thank you dear
I'm running low on beer
Don't forget to return the DVDâ€
“If you get a chance
Please water the plantsâ€
She leans over to kiss me goodbye
And when she was gone
So was my song
And all of the ideas I was thinking
But instead of quitting
This is what I'm submitting
For my wife is back with the beer
(Chorus . . . or a bunch of drunks :note1: singing real loud . . . and off :note2: key)
Train of thought
Departed this station
And took with it my new song
Train of thought
Ran off the track
And I'll never get my song back
Train of thought
Is now departing
Where it's going . . . I forgot.
My train of thought
Is a train derailed
And another week's assignment I've failed :mrgreen:
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
09/03/2009 8:54 am
Hey Ken
Congratulations for not using 'that' word....
and I've just noticed that you are now a Guitarnoise Denizen.... :roll:
Interesting song - don't you just hate it when that happens! Having to water the garden when you want to write a song :wink:
Can't wait to hear the song, with plenty of overdubs for the chorus.
Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!
09/03/2009 9:04 am
That's excellent. It's the best laugh I've had all day
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
Topic starter
09/03/2009 4:10 pm
Thanks, DB and AG
thought of another verse . . . to the chorus.
Train of thought
Is now departing
Where it's going . . . I forgot.
And I even have the music for it!
Will record tomorrow morning . . .
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
10/03/2009 12:53 pm
Ken,
Good write! You captured the universal moment perfectly :D I look forward to the listen.
James
Clever start
Hook looks solid
Intelligent rhymes
Cool Ending
Ken, I think this is a keeper
-And another week's assignment I've failed :mrgreen:- :lol: :lol: :lol:
Down home feel
Essence of the moment captured
Excellent start!
W.C. Fields would be proud! :mrgreen:
10/03/2009 10:26 pm
I particularly like your description of your choir -
a bunch of drunks singing real loud . . . and off key
All together now!
My train of thought
Is a train derailed
And another week's assignment I've failed
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Found it: the word chickadee . . .
Jeremy
And my Soundclick Page to listen to my song submissions: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=903876
10/03/2009 11:19 pm
I like it, Ken....and not a chickadee in sight!
First part works well....sets the scene, tells the story....
Second part works well, too.....but you might want to re-arrange it a little.
1Train of thought
Departed this station
And took with it my new song
2Train of thought
Ran off the track
And I'll never get my song back
3Train of thought
Is now departing
Where it's going . . . I forgot.
4My train of thought
Is a train derailed
And another week's assignment I've failed
Maybe if you re-order those 3, 1, 2, 4....is now departing, has departed, ran off the track, and maybe change the second line of pt 4 to "is a total wreck" instead of "is a train derailed" it'd flow more logically.....as always, these are just suggestions, feel free to take heed/disregard as you see fit....
But you're (groan coming up....) definitely on the right (write?) track......
Looking forward to hearing!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
11/03/2009 11:56 pm
Ain't no song on earth Vic can't top with a bad pun. :wink:
I can see that I need to spend a lot more time here since I'm totally clueless as to the chickadee references that abound. I don't remember any assignments on small woodland birds...
And this:
Train of thought
Is now departing
Where it's going . . . I forgot
is priceless!
Who are you enlisting for the chorus?
Peace