WEEK 34 (Come on )

First of all, there's no such thing as a rip-off....just tributes :P :wink:

The only line I'm not sure about is "Trapeeze artists who gravity they do dare"....I can sort of fit it into a rhythm in my head, but the grammar grates a little....

Sounds to me (in my head, anyway!) that this should be a loud foot-stomper with fairground organ playing in the breaks....

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks Vic

Yes foot stomping / people just having fun sort of piece , organ playing in the breaks ? never thought of that pity I don't know someone who plays one .

The line you mentioned I thought fitted well with it's gramma but I might be a little bias ? :oops:

But thanks Vic as always comments and opinions are always welcome

take care

cheers

yours in music :wink:

L.K :arrow:

Hope it brings a smile
definitely :D

fun song:) also stumbled about the line Vic mentioned... maybe it could be something like
Trapeeze artists, it's gravity they dare
or
Trapeeze artists and gravity, they do dare pretty girls etc.

hm.... not that easy to reword, see it now.... well, just leave it as you have it then. after all it's a fun song so it needn't strictly and seriously follow grammar;)

enjoyed reading.
cheers,
bluenightangel

Thanks angel

glad you enjoyed it

Cheers

L.K :arrow:

also stumbled about the line Vic mentioned

Me too. In my song, which I have yet to post, the trapeze artists "dance throught the air". Maybe that gets the point across without the twisting of grammar?

Also,
Thousands of people they will shout

Could be:
Thousands of people will cheer and shout

I think that sounds a little less forced.

Not much else to add... fun stuff, maybe just needs some minor tweaking like has already been mentioned.

Thanks Slowplay for your comments :D

This line :

Thousands of people they will shout

What will they shout ?

They will of course shout

come on come on

was what I was trying to say in my own indifferent way

I actually like playing with the english language trying to find a universal way of getting my point across such as the lines that have already been mentioned . This how ever does not mean to say that I got it right and maybe I am totally off the mark with my interuptations of the masses with my explainations of the scenes I am trying to portray .

I am sorry if my response comes over a bit heavy , it is not meant to insult anyone , I am just trying to get better at this song writting stuff .

Appreciate responses my explainations are quite annoying to most I suppose. :wink:

Cheers

L.K :arrow:

Hi LK,

this is a nice light hearted number. I agree with Vic about that line (you know the one :P ) but I dont think it detracts from the song in any way.
I actually like playing with the english language Good for you, and keep it up. The older I get the more I am amazed at the english lanuage, and how there is almost a word to portray every nuance or feeling about any subject. I was hopless at english at school.

I think this forum is the place to experiment with things even pushing the envelope on grammer so keep up the good work :D.

pb

Lotto King,

Nice whimsical song I wish I could write more fun stuff like this.
I won't mention "The Line" you heard enough already.

Just Wondering ? Are the song you're refering to "ripping off"
C'mon C'mon by the Von Bondies ?

As B B King said, " None of us steal but we all borrow "

Celt

Hey Celt

Well the actual title of the the song I "ripped off "alludes me at moment
think of Shrek the movie ? ( childrens movie / big kids )

Come on Come on the worlds a little brighter
I know that line is in the song

sorry

L.K :arrow: