Y3week34 the thicker the paint

Hi Bluenight,

this is good. I think sticking to fewer metaphores makes the message more direct and powerful somehow.
This is true
The most dramatic, the purest mask you possess
It's the saddest clown
With all his make-up coming down

in fact no makeup at all to my mind to which I think you are alluding to here.
A request for the most beautiful face you have,
The purest…… oh, it probably wouldn't sell as well, but I'd buy it
And if your not its the way I read it.
Nice song
:D
pb

Hey, bluenightangel,
A request for the most beautiful face you have,
The purest…… oh, it probably wouldn't sell as well, but I'd buy it

Liked that line. I think that sums up the crisis of the song very well.

My only critique is that, if you have to have an explanatory note in the middle of the song, you shoud consider rewording to make your point more obvious. Not that we want to be obvious, but, I think you know what I mean.

As usual, it will take me a few more reads to get everything (or most things) out of your song, but that's good (unless you're pitching to top 40 stations :D ). And also as usual, there's an interesting quality to your song that I can't put my finger on, and that I don't find in anybody else's work. Good job.

I hate you.

I really do - I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

( :wink: )

When I saw this weeks topic I thought, 'wouldn't it be cool to write a song where the circus element is just the façade of someones life, and the narrator can be crying out for that person to just drop the act and be real'.

And then you go and write this!

As usual, it's bloody brilliant. I might agree with SlowPlay about the bit in the middle. Maybe call the song 'the thicker the paint, the easier it cracks' but leave that line out of the lyrics entirely? Just a thought.

Well done again! I have absolutely no ability to actually write lyrics at the moment, so at least someone wrote this song - and frankly, rather you than me anyway!

G

Hi Angel

well here I am writting little ditties on this topic and blow me away with a totally different perspective of the topic .Your good really good never even entered my mind to approach this topic in the way you have well done .

Just love the folllowing 2 lines : :D

That's a milk wish in a tooth nailed to my bedstead
A request for the most beautiful face you have,

well done yet again young lady really well done

cheers

L.K :arrow:

hey all

thanks, pb :)

slowplay, as for the 'explanatory note', it was just meant to be sung in the background, probably distorted voice, or maybe just having the music stop for some seconds and whisper the line........
unless you're pitching to top 40 stationsnah, i'm not :wink:

G, don't you hate me :cry: ( :wink: ) sorry, didn't mean to steal your idea from the backporch of your mind where you hanged it out to dry.............
your suggestion for the title is an option I'll definitely keep, in case this will ever be set to music and I can't fit the line in...

lotto king, glad you liked those lines, coz I liked them, too... they got onto the paper unconsciously(accidently, ah u know what I mean, don't you)... :wink:

thank you everyone for the flattering words :D
cheers,
bluenightangel

Bluenightangel

Nice Job, I like the fact that you were more subtle with the
circus imagery. It makes it all that much more in focus.

Celt

didn't mean to steal your idea from the backporch of your mind where you hanged it out to dry............. God, where do you come up with this stuff! :lol:

Great job. Loved the imagery and all of the metaphores fit right into place. I like the title, especially since you're going to maybe put it into a whisper to explain it. That would be cool in a whisper/distorted voice. Read this one about 3 times to get a full hold of it, then 2 more times just cause I wanted to! As always, keep it up!