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Topic starter
08/07/2014 10:43 pm
A rewrite of something that I did in 2012.
The original version is here:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11727531
Here's the new version from a different point of view:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12850066
verse:
Was it just a dream
Or was he there?
You think you hear his voice
Everywhere
verse:
You've left things as they were,
His coat's still on the rack.
Was it just a dream
Or was he back?
chorus:
Seems like you're still waiting for
The sound of his key in the door
His greeting, "hello, are you there?"
His touch and the smell of his hair.
verse:
His tools are on the bench,
His books are on the shelves.
You've left things as they were
And you're still by yourself.
chorus
verse:
After all these years
No one will take his place.
But it's only in your dreams
That you can see his face.
chorus
Renee
11/07/2014 9:01 am
Hi Renee,
Nice job :D The music and your voice add a fitting haunting quality to the lyrics.
Suggestion:
Consider switching these to lines going from specific to general
His greeting, "hello, are you there?"
His touch and the smell of his hair.
change to ...
His touch and the smell of his hair.
His greeting, "hello, are you there?"
You took a different perspective on the assignment than I did by reusing the lines . Your way gives you two versions of the same song IMO. I took it to mean the song situation was the same, but the lyrics and melody would be completely different.
I like Norah Jones 2 songs as an example: "Come Away with Me" and "Don't Know Why"
....but either interpretation of the assignment is fine. :wink:
Thanks for sharing. :D
James
Topic starter
11/07/2014 11:16 pm
James, thanks for listening and commenting.
I didn't set out to make the music similar in the two versions, but that's where the song took me. My personal preference is the original version.
I don't think I'll be switching these lines. They're in the order in which they happen:
His greeting, "hello, are you there?"
His touch and the smell of his hair.
Renee