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07/01/2004 1:36 am
Half Way Back to Nowhere
Shades of Light
Well now I'm half way back to Nowhere
With nightfall coming on
I might have been Somebody
But I never was The One
I always knew I'd make it to the big time
But I never knew what I'd find there
I did it all and had a good time
And now I'm half way back to Nowhere
Haunted by this emptiness
Without you in my life
Wandering in the darkness
Another phantom of the night
Just a shadow of a broken dream in a faded dream (modification suggested by Christiaan)
Dancing with these shades of light
He not busy being born is busy dying. - Bob Dylan (It's Alright Ma, I'm Only Bleeding)
07/01/2004 8:31 pm
once again, great job. I loved them both, especially the "Another phantom of the night" line.
On Half Way Back I see a line thru the "it to" on line 5. Put my vote down for leaving it out. Also, as I was re-reading it I found myself subconsciously saying "I did it all and enjoyed the ride." I gotta stop listening to so much Sinatra.
anyways, nice job with these!!!
07/01/2004 8:53 pm
Halfway back to Nowhere: very nice.
I'd leave the 'it to' out too.
Shades of Light: I like the image of a shadow dancing with shades of light.
The line 'Just a shadow of a broken dream' disrupts the image for me. Maybe something like 'Just a shadow in a faded dream' ?
- Chris.
Topic starter
08/01/2004 2:56 am
Chris, I really like the "faded dream" advice. I'm taking it. Thanks!
He not busy being born is busy dying. - Bob Dylan (It's Alright Ma, I'm Only Bleeding)
08/01/2004 5:51 am
I liked the second one best.
For the first one, I thought the end could use some
help...and here is my suggestion. Â
Forgive me if its no better than yours..I am sooo tired.
G'nite.
I always knew I'd make it big time
Never knew just what I'd find.
Still I did it all and had a good time
Now I'm half way back to Nowhere