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05/04/2004 6:10 pm
Wow.. it's Monday isn't it? This'll be mighty late for me then. Cuz I'm sure there are people out there just chompin at the bit to read my stuff..... or not. heh.
Pop ?!? And no subject other than Pop? I was dying. So I just read the topic over again and read the disclaimer at the end about "boy/girl bands" and turned that into the phrase "Boy meets Girl" which became my topic for the week. Otherwise I imagine I'd have been lost.
Anyway. Here's my song.
"Hello"
"Hello"
I haven't seen you before
Are you new in town?
Can I show you around?
"Hello"
There's just something about you
Keeps me coming back
There's nothing wrong with that
Is there?
(Chorus)
"Hello"
You take my breath away
and "Hello"
Is all that I can say
"Hello"
And then you're on your way
"Hello"
"Hello"
"Goodbye"
I know
You prob'ly hear this a lot
But you're beautiful
And I can't help myself
I know
That its only in my head
That I can make you see
That you mean everything
To me
(Chorus)
(Bridge)
And you'll never know how long it took me
Just to get up the nerve
To say "I want you. I need you. I love you, Baby"
All in that one little word
(Chorus)
-Marv
05/04/2004 6:49 pm
Pop And no subject other than Pop? I was dying
as was I.......... gotta say I like the lyrics, but can't for the life of me put a melody to it, but then that goes for mine too.
Not either of our best subjects, so I am really not elligable to crit !!!but i reckon you done well with it !!!!! ( to the best of my knowledge that is ???
Go well
Ja'mir ;)
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
06/04/2004 6:10 am
I love it! I can hear the Beatles singing as I read it, but I agree that no melody comes to mind. Very clever.
06/04/2004 6:23 am
kinda reminds me of "thirteen" by Big Star.. also known as one of the greatest songs ever written...
come on people!! pop music is GREAT!!!! when you neglect teenie bopper stuff .
stop listening to me
06/04/2004 10:11 am
Hey I love pop and I didnt mean to say that I was having trouble with writing it. I wanted to say that it was slightly strange that we got no direction other than "write a pop song". With hte blues we had to go somewhere, with folk it was to be about a place or event, the love song had to have twist.. that sorta thing. I always love getting a theme to write in. So "Pop" was just a bit general.
As for the melody. I had one in my head when I wrote this but now it escapes me. I'll have to read it over again.
And now i have to go listen to that song that Homeboy mentioned.
-Marv
08/04/2004 2:32 am
nice song, yesly pop
08/04/2004 3:53 pm
This is really good stuff...
I especially like the chorus. The "Goodbye" at the end is very clever and catchy. You really communicated the feeling of a crush very well.
The only thing that looks might it might need work is the second verse:
I know
You prob'ly hear this a lot
But you're beautiful
And I can't help myself
Since this is a "pop" song, you might want to find something that rhymes for that part. It just doesn't sound right when I read it. Then again, with the music it might sound fine.
It can be very hard to write a pop song without sounding corny, or rehashing something that has been written a million times. You have accomplished this very well. It's catchy and fresh. Props.
Fruscian
"I'm worst at what I do best, and for this gift I feel blessed" - Kurt Cobain
08/04/2004 4:49 pm
I kinda slant rhymed (with apologies to homeboy_hug for using his term) "beautiful" and "myself".. both have that L sound in the ending. Which works out when its sung. I tend to do that a lot.
I'm glad you liked it though. :)
-Marv
09/04/2004 4:51 pm
I wanted to say that it was slightly strange that we got no direction other than "write a pop song". With hte blues we had to go somewhere, with folk it was to be about a place or event, the love song had to have  twist.. that sorta thing. I always love getting a theme to write in. So "Pop" was just a bit general.
Oops and apologies for the lack of direction - I don't think you've done too badly out of it though. ;)
The chorus is excellent I think it sets the rest of the song off perfectly. Â The bridge does well in explaining why he can only say hello.
Excellent work in a neat little pop package.
Bob :)
PS. Reminds me a bit of Pop Song 89 by REM
You are what you eat, eat well
10/04/2004 8:11 am
Very good work Marv. The title reminds me of a very pop-ish song from the 70s called "Hello Hello" by the Sopwith Camel. So I had that tune stuck in my brain while trying to read this one. Even so though, quite catchy, good rhythm, good rhyming, and good story.
-- Scratch