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05/04/2004 3:07 am
Gotta Make You Mine
Chorus
I want to make you mine
This is love at first sight
Won't you give me a sign
Can we dance together tonight
I saw you from the bus
I knew I had to have you
It was love at first sight
As you came into view
I had to think fast
I had to make you mine
Just how could I do that
My heart was on the line
I jumped off the bus
Didn't touch one stair
Had to get to you fast
Had to let you know I care
Chorus
I want to make you mine
This is love at first sight
Won't you give me a sign
Can we dance together tonight
I walked right up to you
I caressed your face
I loved you before I met you
I said lovingly with grace
I have to make you mine
I said as I took your hand
I love you, I need you
Can you try to understand
As you squeezed my hand
I knew you felt my love
I knew I'd always be with you
It was like a gift from above
Chorus
I want to make you mine
This is love at first sight
Won't you give me a sign
Can we dance together tonight
05/04/2004 11:07 pm
Hi'a Tattooed
Simple story line, a tad long though for the olden day pop not that I'm any expert, anything but !!! but I have been listening to it all day to get ideas in my head.
The only verse I had a problem with was
I saw you from the bus
I knew I had to have you
It was love at first sight
I knew I had to pursue
The last line seems a bit forced.
How about,
I saw you from the bus
I knew I had to have you
It was love at first sight
As you came into view or as you turned to me on cue
nice reading
Go well
Ja'mir ;)
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Topic starter
06/04/2004 12:07 am
Thanks, I like that. As you came into view.
08/04/2004 4:04 pm
It's simple and semi-catchy.
However, I can't help but think you can do better than this. It just seems kinda forced to me...some lines seem to be there just for the sake of rhyming, and some lines are very cliche...like "my heart was on the line", and "It was like a gift from above".
I guess I just got too much of a "boy band" feeling from this one in certain parts.
"I'm worst at what I do best, and for this gift I feel blessed" - Kurt Cobain